Life lessons I learnt from Cocktail

Like any other self respecting citizen of Youngistan, I eagerly looked forward to the release of the movie Cocktail. I rarely use the word ‘eagerly’ in connection with a Bollywood film, but considering that the director was the guy who gave us Being Cyrus, I made an exception.

Suffice to say, I learnt a lot about various aspects of life from this enlightening movie. Some of these were-

1. Culture,culture, culture- So, apparently, the idea that has been drummed into our heads  all our lives is actually worthwhile- Indian culture is best(est!). Haldi-flavoured milk is what it takes to bring all the boys  ( and their Mummyjis) to the yard! Do note that following Indian Culture includes the following- violently bobbling your head to indicate ‘no’ when offered alcohol, giving your a**hole husband a second chance, wearing a salwar, cooking biryani for your a**hole boyfriend, and generally acting like a damsel-in-distress.

2. Always save money. An example would be to stay with someone you know , and avoid paying rent. If it happens to be the girl you’re currently sleeping with, then you’ve killed two birds with one stone. Even if you do fall for her best friend, after she’s fallen for you- DON’T move out until you absolutely have to.

3.Be a virgin. This is actually a part of lesson number one, but it’s important. It really doesn’t matter what the rest of your ‘character’ is like. You may be the independent, loyal, helpful, aunty-is-alone-so-i’ll-go-give-her-company type . You may even let two people stay for free at your place because you care for them. But all that gets cancelled out if you’re not a proper bharatiya virgin.

Conversely, you may even kiss your best friend’s BF behind her back, but because you’re a virgin, you’re more deserving of him anyway, so all will be forgiven and the universe will conspire to make him fall for you too.

(Important note- this lesson applies only to women. If you’re a guy, you can be the sleaziest man-whore in town, but still get the love and affection of virgin women and the non-virgin (ugh!) ones alike)

4.Awareness is important.It’s important to be aware of the characteristics of a certain type of Indian girl- if she drinks, it means she’s always going to get drunk. Also, if she drinks, she’s  promiscuous . For sure.In addition to sleeping around and drinking, you can also assume that she’s not religious and doesn’t cook. I know its starting to sound like a stereotype, but be assured its all true. If you do know someone like this, it’s important to change her into the Indian Culture -following type of girl.

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I guess you’ve already figured out my reaction to the movie. I just want to say that messages of a certain kind of morality disguised in this dripping-with-coolness avatar are more dangerous than in-you-face, blatantly regressive ones.

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