There’s a new word that does the rounds when there’s talk of any marriage.And it doesn’t begin with ‘D’. Granted it’s from France, but it’s ubiquitously heard all over India.
Yes I know, dowry is becoming passe. Everybody now asks for ‘gifts’. That’s horrifying enough. But a trousseau takes things one step further. Officially, it’s the stuff (saris, suits, sets, appliances,lingerie) that parents buy for their daughter. Unofficially , it’s much the same as a dowry (in the truest sense of the word) – it’s a sophisticated excuse for increased expenditure on the part of the bride’s father- also passed-off as ‘tradition’.
There’s no question of meeting the ‘boy’s side’ expectations here- just the expectations of the bride!
In a eglitarian and non-patriarchial society, the cost of the wedding should ideally be borne by the bride and the groom, not their parents. We desis will take a while to get there, but let’s focus on the present for now. If your parents are paying for your wedding- i.e the venue, the food, the bridal garments and your jewellery- they are already doing you a HUGE , HUGE favour.(Even if they think it’s their duty.)
So for once, BE the modern, independent girl that you claim you are. Accept that the wedding itself is your gift. Pay for your own ‘clothes to wear after the wedding’, your honeymoon, your honeymoon wardrobe, your make-up and the appliances you will use in your new home. Remember that a wedding is about the couple- and not about the size of your dad’s wallet, no matter how big it is.
Yes I know , parents actually INSIST on buying the bride stuff. I’ve seen it all. But you are a sentient being, with your own mind and tongue. You can say NO .Really. Yes, you are the apple of their eyes, etc etc- but , seriously, if you think about it- what does your guy get in all this wedding hooplah- does HE suddenly get new chuddies or a brand-new blender from his parents? If HE is expected to buy his own underwear, why should it be any different for you?
Your parents have brought you up, paid for your education, and seen you to adulthood.They’ve actually already done their bit.No matter how rich or how generous your parents are, they are not there to sponsor your new life as someone’s wife.