The List

Here is IHM’s post on what prospective Indian brides consider ‘non negotiable’ while marrying.

Here is my reply.

I guess, as one commenter mentioned to me, I should have some in mind before officially meeting the BF’s parents – which is happening in 6 days.

First, I’d like to say that i’m still dazed at all this happening so fast. Don’t get me wrong, I do love my guy, but I’m not sure I want to get married so soon. On the other hand, I do have days when all I want is to be married to him ASAP.

I guess UK Immigration have done what my desi parents couldn’t- put a stop to all the ‘living in’ and ‘boyfriend’ business. The Border Agency’s agenda (that would gladden the heart of any aunty)  is THIS-get married beta, else we’ll make your life miserable!

Still, grow-up and grow some balls I must- so here goes-


1. Staying in our own place (this is a given anyway, we both want it, him more than me)

2. Staying abroad- with the possibility of returning to India much much much later

3. Having kids-I promise to think about it, but honestly, I am around babies 80 hours a week and there’s been zero maternal twinges so far despite (or maybe because of ) this! There’s even an official term for wanting babies after working in my field- called “getting broody”- and it (hopefully) ain’t ever gonna happen to me.

4.Career- I love my career for the time being. I’ve been working for 10 months in the UK so nascent career is a better term. I can give it a break for a year or so if I had kids (WHEN I’m 32 plus, ahem) – but I would go crazy unless I combined having babies with another activity- research/another degree/something/anything! My idle mind is more than the devil’s workshop- try headquarters!

5.Said Future hypothetical kids learning Kannada, Bharathnatyam, Carnatic Music, Vedic Math, and at least one instrument from following list- veena,tabla,violin,flute, not to mention standing first in class every single time and generally being first class south indian kids to counter the effect of the dangerous North Indian genes that got in because mummy had a thing for  sexy men who talked dirty in Punjabi.Don’t know HOW that slipped in. But seriously, I would want future kids to have some amount of my heritage, instead of capitulating to the great all-round Punjabi-fication that looms up ahead.

Yeah so that’s my list. I’m not including mundane things like “changing my name” or “wearing/drinking/eating what I want to ” because they are in a realm beyond non-negotiable- they are my INDIVIDUAL choices , not choices I will make as one half of a COUPLE, so they are not up for discussion, with anyone, BF included.

The problem is, I don’t really want to bring all this up with the BF’s parents- surely all that matters is whether he knows all this shit,( he already does, and so far is in  100 % agreement) so do I set forth all these points, or not? (I’d rather just keep mum- it’s nobody’s business but ours, na?)

I can see all 4 parents fuming away if I were to declare that they may never have grandkids.

Yes, keep quiet, escape to phoren and live happily ever after. Sounds like a plan.


Go on, you know you want to say it :)

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